Batja Mesquita is a cultural psychologist who studies emotions. She is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of Leuven, Belgium.
Below, Batja shares five key insights from her new book. Between Us: How Culture Creates EmotionsListen to the audio version read by Batja himself in the Next Big Idea app.
1. your emotions are not my emotions.
Emotions vary by culture. When I moved to America from Holland, I was ready to learn a new language and make new friends, but I didn’t realize I had to relearn my emotions.
When I arrived in America, I felt emotionally out of sync. My new colleagues were polite, happy, outgoing, and mostly positive and optimistic. They often thanked each other, exchanged compliments, and seemed to effortlessly enjoy each other’s appreciation and praise. I had a hard time understanding these feelings. What did people mean when they said “great job”? This certainly wasn’t the way I was used to talking in Holland. And when my friend thanked me after the dinner party, I was convinced that we weren’t able to form a connection because in Holland, when you’re in an intimate relationship, you don’t appreciate each other.
Things weren’t easy because I wasn’t able to reciprocate in a proper way. Being social and being grateful or offering compliments didn’t come naturally to me. . I couldn’t be more satisfied or grateful. I feel embarrassed when someone compliments me. Instead of enjoying their praise, I mumbled that what I had done wasn’t really “that great” and stared at the floor.
At first, these emotional differences seemed random, but over time they became meaningful. In America, it’s important for everyone to feel special and unique, so we celebrate and acknowledge each other as much as we can. This is not very different from the Dutch context, where no one should stand out and connections are valued. Being chosen like a word of praise or gratitude is often offensive in the Netherlands.
2. Having different emotions has real consequences.
The sentiments of immigrants and cultural minorities are often out of sync with normative sentiments in majority cultures. Take Ahmed, a second-generation Turkish immigrant to Belgium, who worked as a sales clerk. He was outperforming his peers, but his bosses (majority Belgians) kicked him out for a promotion. Ahmed felt humiliated and threatened his boss. Because in his native culture, this was the only way to regain the respect he thought he had lost. Unfortunately, instead of improving his situation, the threat gave his superiors the impression that Ahmed had lost control.
“Emotions are an important process of social inclusion, success and even health.”
Emotions are an important process of social inclusion, success and even health. In our own study, we tracked a large sample of Belgian secondary school students with immigrant backgrounds. rice field. But the opposite was also true. Different feelings lead to fewer friends in the majority. Importantly, the minority student with at least one of her majority friends did better in school. Here is where emotion meets social inclusion and achievement.
When it comes to health, emotions influence patients’ trust in their doctors. Caucasian American patients trusted excited, happy doctors more and followed these doctors’ prescriptions better. I was following my prescription. Our emotions are an intrinsic part of our relationships, so cultural differences in emotions have so many real-world consequences.
3. Feelings are between us.
You may think of your feelings as inside your but feelings Between We.
Please try to imagine. It was a nice day and your family spent the afternoon at the beach. When it’s time to go home, toddler Jane throws a tantrum. You can say Don’t you want to go home yet? And let her play for 5 minutes. As a parent, you have helped shape your toddler’s anger. You gave her permission to get angry when she doesn’t like something.
Or you can respond to her tantrums with a harsh “Hey!” Threaten her with her timeout. You shaped Jane’s anger in a different way, and now that she’s made sure Jane knows her whereabouts, her Jane’s anger will probably subside.
Or you might embarrass Jane. Thank her for being able to go to the beach in the first place and tell her she should think about what all the other people on the beach think of her family when she’s furious Even if not in that moment, over time Jane may come to learn that shame or embarrassment is an appropriate response when you insist on your way .
“Within each cultural group, parents shape their children’s emotions to fit the normative relationships of the culture.”
As I described these scenarios, certain parents may have thought of someone who fits the bill, participating (often inadvertently) in shaping their child’s emotions. Parents in cultures and groups typically react to angry children differently.Middle-class American parents want their children to express their preferences and influence their world Working-class single mothers in urban areas in the United States encourage their children to be angry when they are taken advantage of by their peers (they should not be weak). believe), does not tolerate anger directed at himself (considering it a sign of a child). spoiled). They want their children to be strong enough to protect themselves while at the same time being able to meet the demands of the world. I feel ashamed of angry children because I worry about them.
In each cultural group, parents shape their children’s emotions to fit the normative relationships of that culture. Is one of these feelings her superior to another?Not in an absolute sense. Good parents try to cultivate feelings that they believe are correct in their culture.
4. Emotions are hard to translate.
When children learn emotions, they learn the episodes that accompany them in their culture. Parents are the first to label, and parents don’t know how their child’s emotions feel.All they have access to is what is happening between their child and those around them. anger To the episode that unfolds.
In addition, whenever children encounter a particular emotion, their conception, for example, anger Get updates. Eventually, anger Filled with what a child experiences in life.This means angeris not uniform across cultures and individuals. It does not refer to a single state. anger It consists of various episodes. She was “mad” when her mom compromised and had to stay at the beach a little longer. “Angry” when your friend took your toy and you pushed him to take it back. anger.
Language allows us to communicate about the realities shared by others within our communities and cultures, but it may be a less obvious tool for communicating between different social groups. One reason for this is that the episodes that give meaning to words vary from culture to culture. In our own research, we interviewed American and Japanese participants to anger and the corresponding word Ikari.
“Language allows us to communicate about the realities shared by others within our communities and cultures, but it may be a less obvious tool for communicating between different social groups. .”
Chiemi, a Japanese university student, Ikari Her grandparents suggested she would never be home, but in reality she only had one appointment for the night. never told IkariInstead, she tried to understand them. they care about meWhere Japanese Respondents Often Tried to Understand Their Targets Ikari Respondents from the United States objected, detailing how this person was unjustified.Episodes that make up the Japanese Ikari and english anger Both of these words relate to being annoyed by someone else, but they are very different.
5. Understanding emotions requires more than empathy.
I can’t say that we understand each other’s feelings. So we developed a toolbox for navigating emotions across boundaries, whether those boundaries are defined by culture, ethnicity, gender, or politics. It consists of asking three questions about aspects that link emotions to cultural context.
1: “What’s wrong?” His honor is at stake when Ahmed threatens his boss. In a culture of honor, public harm to one’s honor cannot be ignored. In contrast, Ahmed’s colleague Peter (of a different cultural background) was turned down for his job under similar circumstances, but felt rejected rather than disgraced. Same situation, different stakes.
2: “Is having feelings a good thing or a bad thing?” Anger is “good” if it is believed to restore honor because it shows strength. Similarly, shame is bad in some cultures. In other cultures shame is a good thing.
3: “What’s next?” Parents in Taiwan acknowledged child shame. Therefore, in the Taiwanese context, child shame is followed by social inclusion. In the American context, it is often associated with social exclusion. What comes next in a relationship is very different.
The answers to these questions differ dramatically, giving no emotional understanding in cross-cultural interactions. It’s not enough to just have empathy or project your point of view. Instead of asking yourself, “What’s at stake?” myselfis it good or bad myself what you feel like this or what to do next myself? Therefore, it is necessary to pay attention to changes in emotions due to cultural differences.
To find out, assume you don’t know. Be humble, non-judgmental, patient and keep asking questions. The ability to master emotional shifts in different cultures leads to satisfying cross-cultural interactions. This process is slow and not easy, but we can do it together because it creates feelings between us.
To hear the audio version read by author Batja Mesquita, download the Next Big Idea app today.
